Starting over, new routines

When I saw people starting their lives over for whatever reason I would view them as brave. But if you have no choice but to start over, are you still brave? I really don’t know the answer to this question. I do know that I’m entering a new chapter, something I didn’t plan on at age 34 and I feel completely lost.

Common sense tells me that this is a completely normal feeling after going through a devastating loss, but the other part of me wants to curl up in a ball and wait for the days to pass. Having to start over is so scary and it feels more scary that I am without my partner to give me positive reinforcement.

I know I am not the only one that feels this way (or at least I would like to think), so many of us are going through extreme to small changes (especially during covid). I know there are a lot of people who have lost their partners to death and even divorce and feel lost in their next steps. There have been many people who have lost their jobs or have taken large risks that it did not pay off. There are also people that just want to better their lives because their current situation isn’t doing anything for them. There are many of us that have to start over.

I humbly believe that people deserve another chance when it comes from a place of good intentions. Is this where I should start? What are the intentions for my new chapter? I don’t know if I am ready to answer this question. However, the world is moving whether I like it or not. This is the constant pressure I feel, but one thing that I have learned in the last 2 years is to listen to your inner voice. My inner voice is telling me to take my time and not rush into anything, I am finding comfort in my own bubble.

I am trying not to get wrapped up in my “should dos” and to follow with what feels right in my soul and what makes me feel like I am in a "flow" state. I am on a leave of absence from work and I spent the first 2 months after Jordan passed away on the couch watching reruns (yes the same shows on repeat) on Netflix, crying and reading books on grieving (sounds like fun right?). This is where I learned that life is still happening while you’re not. While laying on the couch I was feeling anxious, sad, depressed, scared, heavy-hearted and the list of negative feelings went on. I found it very uncomfortable, so I just got the feeling to start writing, which became the start to this blog.

I have started with the things that make me feel good like running and cooking. I started with cooking easy meals like baking and roasting vegetables. I realized that it made me feel better to do something especially since I already liked the activity. This led me to realize that I need to have some structure in my life and how important it is to have a routine because it got me up. This isn’t easy for me, because I felt like I needed to be perfect in my routine. I felt pressure because my routine for the last 2 years was solely to take care of Jordan and in the previous years my routine was based on our life together, it feels like I am starting with a blank canvas.

Have you ever been through a time where you had to start a new brand new routine in your life? How did you go about it? Please let me know I would love to hear your ideas so I can incorporate them on my own.

Here are a few things that I am trying to do to build some new routines in this next chapter of mine.

• Taking it slow and evaluating what makes me feel happy and content.

• Observing the habits I want to eventually change, like procrastination and binge eating. I am trying to build on my healthy habits such as cooking.

• Becoming aware of my negative thought patterns and questioning why I feel like that? Where are these thoughts coming from? So far most of my negative thoughts have come from a place of vulnerability. I am scared of rejection, scared that I am not enough or not good enough.

• Being open and trying not to pretend I know something.

• Part of being open, I have been watching YouTube videos on how people build their own morning routines. There is something about watching someone else’s routine that makes you feel motivated to try your own. I stumbled on this Motivational Youtuber MuchelleB from Australia where she posts videos about tips on becoming productive and focused. She also introduced me to SkillShare, which is a site of professionals in their field teaching workshops on a variety of different subjects. I have done MuchelleB’s course on designing the life you want. She takes you through the things that you don’t want to do and you list out your values in life. For me this is a good place to start especially since I feel like I am starting from scratch. I completed Muchelle’s workbook, and decided to keep it really simple right now because of where I am in my life.

Please check out her YouTube Channel:

• Getting good sleep and taking my vitamins. It always important to make your health a priority.

• Writing about my journey and what I experienced along the way. I bet you have experienced more than what you give yourself credit for.

• Mediating 15 minutes a day. I usually try to start my day off with 15 minute of meditation, and so far I could only do it 3 days in a row. If I can’t meditate for whatever reason on that day I try not to be too hard on myself, and just tell myself tomorrow is a new day.

• I try not to be perfect with my routines, if I am too tired or busy to complete a non urgent task I try not to get hung up about it. I found that my need for perfectionism can lead me to self-sabotage myself.

These are a few things I am keeping in mind when I am trying to build new routines and a new life. I am keeping an open mind, taking what makes me feel good in the long term, and trying to take it easy on myself. Someone told me that if you don’t plan, plan to fail. I am looking forward to hearing how you built new routines so I can learn from them too.